i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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