An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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