It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
