she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize