theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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