it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
