I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
