My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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