shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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