Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
