Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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