OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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