Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
