Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
