he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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