Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize