a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
