I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
