Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
