I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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