great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
