I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We left the knife in your bed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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