You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize