i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
