My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
