At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Two words: nipple clamps
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