i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
