for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
