I bet he comes in French.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize