i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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