I'm gonna have a badass scar
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
