he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
