My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
