she was so not down for the gang bang
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're too hungover to prance.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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