oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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