all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
