Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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