4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize