She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
