hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
