She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
