I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
