Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
