Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
