This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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