I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
