She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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