see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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