New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
