just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
