So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
