I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
