When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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