Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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