You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
