College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
