Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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