there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
