I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
