Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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