We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
