One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
