I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
