I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
