I want to walk on stilts...naked
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want her autograph on my taint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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