I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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