My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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