What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize