i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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