??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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