Where is the hickey?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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