There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
