it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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