just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i came on her dog
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
