i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
