redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
