Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
