I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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