I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
