Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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