tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize